Blogging is very new to me. I understand what it is I am just not versed in HTML. Please bear with me, I will seek to improve my blog look to draw interest from others to share my story.
Beautiful looking day outside today. When I see such a beautiful day today it brings little joy. There was a time when I was filled with excitement, inquisitive and bold. These qualities helped me make it this far. I can’t seem to get in touch with any positive emotions now. The last 10 years have wiped me out both mentally and physically.
I am a real person.
I am a widow of 20 years. First question most people ask is why didn’t you marry again?
Reasons:
- Young girl in home, subject to abuse by unknown people
- No mate found without substance abuse or sexual abuse problems.
- I had previous problems with my relationships due to abuse so I have tread slowly and with deliberation
- I was diagnosed HIV+ in 1990, two years after my husband had been murdered. That was the biggest obstacle preventing me from connecting emotionally from the get go. I was always too worried about my personal responsibility and that I could never be responsible for infecting another human being. Not even my child. She is NEGATIVE, thank you.
I MISS MY DAUGHTER SO VERY MUCH.
My daughter is the only ray of sunshine in my life and she is away at school now. She is in Costa Rica. We only speak once a week for 10 mins. or so. Her writing home skills are extra lite like most youth her age. She’s busy. I understand all that. I just miss her because she is the only intimate friend I have today and she is the only human being on the planet who really cares about me. It took a long time and many battles to know this but she is my one true friend.
One of my biggest daily battles is:
EATING
Finding, preparing and then forcing food in me to take medications.
I hate to eat alone. I miss sit down meals with others and having conversation and relaxation together. I miss this so much that it is an effort for me to eat on my own.
I grew up living with a big Italian family and we always had huge meals and lots of family and lots of noise and goings on.
